AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT PASSES CONGRESS May 23, 2005
WASHINGTON, DC (AP) - Congress approved sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for
many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA), signed into law by
President John Kerry
shortly after its
passage, is being hailed as a major victory by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.
"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for
themselves in society," said Kerry, a longtime AWNA supporter.
"This is why many of them voted for me. We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed
over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply
because they do a better job, or have some idea of what they are doing", said Kerry.
President Kerry pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity
without regard to performance. Approximately 80 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single
largest US employer of Persons of Inability.
Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline
industry (68%),and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%)
President Kerry has also set an example, personally selecting hundreds of Nonabled people for top government positions,
including many cabinet-level jobs.
Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding
titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most
unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant level of
Persons of Inability in top positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire one
clueless worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Nonabled, banning
discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any goals for the future?" or "Do you have any skills or experience
which relate to this job?" and "Are you awake?"
"As a Nonabled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz,
who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job skills.
"This new law should really help people like me."
With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Said Kerry, "It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with
some sort of space to take up in this great nation."
It's funny, but not entirely out of the question. Do your part and vote Bush!!